Think Tank

Time seems to be passing me by quicker than it ever has, and yet, here I am, still sitting on the couch. Another Wednesday night comes, and soon: it will be gone. Be assured, people; it will. Sometimes, I tend to question where my life is taking me, and how it will all happen. As of late, my life seems to be rather uninteresting, forcing me to take time out of my day to really think about such puzzles. I won't lie to you, I have a set procedure for such times. Generally, I stand with my back against the wall, the top half of my body contorted into a God like pose; the light shimmering off my marble like physique. I figure the best pondering takes place when pretending to seem more important than you actually you are, like a bag of douche would. I arch my eyebrows, and bat my eye lashes. I am silent, and then suddenly, I am animated. I weep, I moan, I croon out to the heavens. I invoke the very Gods I tossed aside years ago to aid me in my conquest...and then something catches my eye.

Because my house doesn't have nearly enough space for all my needs, I have combined the living room with my personal study/ think tank/ pretend I'm a genius room. Yes, this one room has many devices, all of which are drawn on several times a day. Anyways, the T.V.'s on, that thing with the moving pictures, and I can't help but notice that it's reflecting a lot more light than normal. And seeing how it's almost the midnight hour, and there is little to no natural light, nor light created by light bulbs to be found, I find this quite strange. Fuck, I mean seriously, I can hardly even look at it it's so bright, let alone think about destiny and what not. As I'm already wearing a dark pair of shades, I throw on a second, but that doesn't fucking work so I take them both off. You may be asking why I wear sunglasses in the house, especially when it's so late, and my answer to you is this: all those hip young teens in the beach movies do it, they seem to get a lot of attention, so I figure, why not? Also, I once knew a guy, I think his name was something like Matt Pearle, I can't remember, he's not that significant. Anyways, me and this clown were just hanging out at this party one time, he was getting real philosophical on me, laying some heavy shit down. To tell you the truth I wasn't paying attention in the slightest, he was rambling. But at the very end of the conversation, he lowers his head and pulls down his glasses a tad; his eyes were bloodshot, and he had tears welling up. "That's why I wear these." Then he winked, got up, and I never saw him again.

Fuck, sidetracked, back to the present.

I kneel down right in front of the T.V. and start dialing down the brightness. Slowly, I begin to understand why I was having so much trouble seeing before. World's Strongest Man is on. If you don't understand already, let me explain. If you only thought morons resided in North America, how wrong you were. This show compiles all the bald, sweaty, idiots from around the world, hoards them on to some beach in like, Miami, and gets them to lift "practical" objects, and other bullshit items. These guy's heads are like crystal balls, they have the albedo of snow. If a normal human being had the skin tone of lets say, the Earth, these guys would have to be the Sun. Then the Jersey Shore guys would be like Venus...or Uranus. HA!

As I watch muscle bloated men throws kegs over power lines, and squat trailers full of hay, I can't help but start to think about my life again. Funny how life works like that, huh? But just when I thought it couldn't get any crazier, these "fierce competitors" begin to carry fucking sedans across some sort of makeshift road. I ask myself, what in the fuck am I doing with my life? It's bad enough I'm enrolled in university, but the fact that I'm not lifting some car like fucking Fred Flintstone is ridiculous. Come on, I could be doing this, making something out of myself, but instead I'm out getting some sort of "education," creating a fulfilling future. Please, I know whats important when I see it and this has got to be one of those things. No longer will I need to put away hours of thought into my life, asking the Gods for guidance, and sacrificing small items for answers. I know what I must do. What if my car ever breaks down out on the highway? Sit there and wait for a tow truck? I don't think so. The only thing worth considering is bottoming it out, maybe relieving it of some important parts, and then running that fucker home.